Consequences & Rewards

Today we will focus on some behavior modifications for adolescents. Behavior modification essentially means cultivating desired behaviors and changing undesirable ones by utilizing a system of rewards and consequences. We will go over examples of some of these to use, the caveat however is, each and every child, adolescent and teenager is different and individual, and these methods are generally devised on a case by case basis. You are the one who knows your child best, and will therefore be able to gauge which technique may work best within your family. A consultation with a professional: mental health counselor, school counselor, and others may be beneficial. 

Punishment vs. Consequences as a form of behavior modification: 

Consequences are the results of our decisions and actions and can be "good" or "bad." Consequences help us all grow and when children experience consequences for their actions, it can help them learn and grow, make better choices and learn from their mistakes. Consequences also give you a chance to parent from the perspective of principle rather than anger and frustration. 

Punishment on the hand does not respect the decision of the child, even if the decision or choice the child has made is wrong. It comes out of fear and anger, and generally looks towards a withdrawal of love which can be harmful to the relationship. This approach does not help children to develop ways in which to make decisions responsibly. 

The following two examples come from https://www.empoweringparents.com to better illustrate this concept: 

"Your 13-year-old doesn’t call to check-in and let you know where he is. In the past, his punishment was to lose his cell phone for a couple of days. Yes, that might have taught him that when you don’t act responsibly you can lose privileges.  But what it didn’t teach him is how to act more responsibly.  So how can using consequences make a difference here?

Take the same scenario, but before you decide how to respond first ask yourself:  What is it that I want him to learn and improve? You probably want him to learn to follow your instructions and do what he is told, which in this case was to call. You also want him to improve by consistently remembering to do it.  To motivate and guide your son to better behaviors, the consequence could be that he will only be allowed to go out with friends on the coming weekend and only for an hour.  During that time he must remember to call you and let you know where he is.  If he does this successfully both Saturday and Sunday, he can return to going out for longer periods of time.  What he’s learning is that privilege (going out with friends) comes with responsibility (calling to check-in).  What he’s getting is the chance to practice and demonstrate to you both is that he can be trusted to do as he’s supposed to.

Or maybe your daughter doesn’t do her assigned chores. What do you want her to learn and practice? A natural consequence may be that you do not feel the goodwill to take her shopping.  Instead, she is assigned extra jobs to help you out around the house.  From this she learns that when she doesn’t do her part, others may not have the time or interest to go out of their way for her. Having to help more around the house will let her practice doing her part and to appreciate that not meeting her responsibilities can cause problems for others."

Establishing short term goals towards long term behavior change: 

For instance, if your child/adolescent has been engaging in unsafe behaviors, driving under the influence of alcohol. It would be necessary to bar access to the car for a long stretch of time in order to create behavior change. 

"No driving privileges until house rules have consistently been followed for 3 months. This means no alcohol and no missing curfew for 3 months and then we discuss at the end of a successful 3 months the return of your driving privileges."

During the 3 months, establish more short term task oriented goals (steps in the right direction) so that the child has a consistent opportunity to show improvements and growth. 

Utilizing reward charts and positive reinforcements:

Behavior modification plans in children or teens might include using a reward chart to increase a certain behavior, such as doing homework or chores, and providing immediate positive attention when the child begins behaving appropriately or simply praising the child when he or she engages in desirable behavior.

 
Examples of child behavior modification plans which have rewards might include offering a return of a privilege for a reaching a certain goal, having an increase in allowance, and increase of a curfew time, etc.

The following is a great workbook for parents, it has a thorough overview of behavior modification techniques and also which techniques are more useful and which are not so. In addition, it gives great evidence of all the information that has been provided and research from which the information came from as well: From the USC Center for Work and Family Life


Parent's Tool Kit for Teens